SoMeThiNg To PuT On My DiArY bLaNk PaGeS

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM

ASSALAMUALAIKUM WBT

Yes. I used to have such a very bad relationship experience. Met someone, being loyal for years, hoping that 'just-friend' relationship would turn into 'dating' like I was pretty much sure he also got some feeling for me. The butterflies in my nerves, the excitements. Well, at least I know that we're a little bit more than 'just-friend'. But at the end, all I can say is, that was once upon a time story. In my previous year diary. We're over now. He's nothing but someone that I used to know. Sounds like a song? Yeah, by Gotye.





And it took three months for me to recover. (Or maybe more). God knows how much I suffered and how devastated I was. The screwed up feeling. The awkward moment whenever I see him appear online on FB. Obviously there's no other than my mum and Queen B and my 'bunga-bunga' girls staying by my side, give me the incessant support and lending me their shoulder to cry on, wipe my tears and listened to my relentless-trashy-harsh-offended-cursing-words to him. Well, I guess he deserved that. Because it's never easy to fix my heart. But now not anymore. I'm decent now. Really? Hahah.





Then he came. Like really out of nowhere. And I have no idea how can I end up open my just-fixed heart to a total stranger. I mean, we just talk to each other like five days before we decided to meet and ok that was awkward and strange. I don't know what happened to me. But I got a feeling, tell me that he-is-something. You really think that I can easily give my slightly interest to just anyone? Ok. Maybe because he's such a sweet talker and really know how to flirt. No. Not really. It comes with his super gut feeling and maturity. Maybe because a little bit arrogance and over-the-top-self-confident that he has. It could be the double-sided characters too. I don't know. I just feel like I really into him. So, I asked myself should-I-give-him-a-chance? Well, why not?





So basically, he's not yet 'my man'. We're still at the very very very early phase. To say that this will be a last-long relationship, really I'm afraid even just to think about it. So, what I think the best is just enjoy the present. Don't look into past, don't even think about future. I mean, the future on this relationship-thing. He knows how much insecure I feel, how much young we still, what aims that I set in study, career and life. Settle down? No at the moment. That's all I can say.

Tell you what, another incredible thing about him is he's not a local. Sick of Malay guys? No. Nothing racism here, baby. It's all about manners, attitudes, which I will say if people ask me the 'how' or 'why' questions. I don't really care about looks, what you're working as (at least not jobless), how much you earn, how old you're, as long as I feel comfortable and as long as I can be ME when I'm with you, that means you're really something.





Well, of course I know mum don't really agree with the term 'dating' between us. But I told her that we're just friend and we both have a very long way to go. In fact, yes we are. So mum, don't worry about me. I know what I do and as always, you are my priority. I just don't want to be 24 and do nothing but the same routine over and over. I just want to find some excitements and unexpected things out there. Something that can makes me breath spectacularly. Something that I can tell to my kids when they're at this age as mine. Or maybe at least something that I can write on my diary blank pages.

And guys, I tell you what, he's really nice and sweet (did I said already?). Ok, he's unexpected too. He's full of surprise, he always drives me crazy, he makes me laugh so hard, and he can also makes me realize on the very next day I will find out that he's such a mean and rude feeling-less guy and those harsh words coming out can make my tears falling down immediately and yeah, sometime I can feel as if the world is ending. Then he picks me up and makes me feel like I'm on top of the world (again). He's weird and sometimes creepy too. But still he's a good son and that's the reason why somehow I feel tremendously in love with him. And you need to know that he also has the ability to change that feeling into hate and annoying right in the next second. Wow, am I riding a roller coaster or something?

I don't know

Anyway, I just want to say that I really in love with...

CAPPUCINO

And also, the good thing is,
I don't feel like to give up. 

Well, at least, YET.