WhEn i EnD tHe ReLaTiOnShiP

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

Agak lama tak update blog. I know. I miss you too (cakap dengan blog). Sebab tu hari ni, sekarang ni, right in the office, because I have no mood to continue creating the exam questions, so I decided to blog. Lately, perasaan macam tak berapa nak best. I started to question this and that, here and there, almost everything. Semakin aku sayang dekat Encik Domoi, semakin banyak dugaan yang datang. Yes. I'm talking about relationship (again). Yes. I'm talking about betapa susahnya nak refuse perasaan orang. Yes, I'm talking about kenapa bila aku dah ada Encik Domoi, sorang-sorang dok gedik datang kat aku. Yes, I'm talking about feeling too.

Well, there's a guy. My old school friend. We used to be so close to each other. Sharing this and that. Do things together. Just in short that I end the relationship, I back off from the relationship because I can't bear the broken heart when I realized that I was just an option for him. It was hurt. It's really really hurt. It took like three months before I finally understand what I really want. Yes. I don't want to be an option. You want me, then leave her. You want her, then I leave. M.G.B Mr. Whatever.

I started to move on. Leading a joyous life ahead. Enjoy each and every moment with my girls. Yes. girlfriends are always the best! I gain more time to spend with them. Value the sisterhood. Until I finally open the door for another man. He was so nice. Funny. Decent. Ok, handsomelah jugak. The relationship was smooth until he suddenly out of nowhere remain silent for no reasons like a month (or more). Which makes me wondering about everything. Which as well makes me decided to end the relationship. Which makes me understand and realize that being ignored is the worst feeling ever. So, buat apa nak stay? Buat apa nak terhegeh-hegeh kalau orang dah tak nak? 

Just currently he came back. Do whatever it takes to keep in touch with me. Like seriously, the only reason for me to stay strong and tough is because Encik Domoi is always there for me. I mean, if I'm not with anyone at the moment, memang dah lama I give him another chance. Because you can't imagine the effort that he made, the hardness he's been through, bear with all the harsh words form me. Maigod. Still, he never give up. I must say, that was really impressive. Just that I still can't forget how hurtful the feeling when he left me alone. So, I learned from that relationship. M.G.B Mr. Feelingless.

I gain experiences. I met new people. I met kawan-kawan lama yang tak contact bertahun-tahun but still feeling like knowing someone new. I keep going. I clear my mind. Malas nak meroyan over benda remeh-temeh macam ni lagi dah. When I end the relationship, I learned that they don't deserve my tears. They don't deserve the precious me. People come and go. And I accept them open heartedly. I kawan dengan semua orang. I jumpa macam-macam orang. And it makes me more understand what I want in relationship and life. 

I don't care you kaya ke miskin. As long as you humble and down to earth that makes me respect you. It's a biggest turn off bila ada orang gunakan kekayaan as their pick-up line. Awak, saya beli kereta baru. Awak, kalau awak nak guna duit awak cakap je dengan saya. Awak, saya nak pergi melancong kat oversea. Awak, hari jadi nanti awak nak hadiah apa awak bagitau saya. Awak, saya nak belikan baju raya untuk awak. Awak, saya taknak awak susah. Awak... ok dah cukuplah. Awak ingat saya ni apa? Yes. Memang duit and harta benda semua tu penting. But the way he show off in order to get close with me seriously... I learned that 'bragging person' is so not me. All I can say is M.G.B Mr. Annoying.

And when I end the relationship, I started to respect myself more. Easy going macam mana pun, aku tahu aku perempuan, aku ada maruah diri. Yes, I'm very open-minded person. I can talk about everything and anything. Any issue, any topic. But once you started to disrespect me, once you started your nonsense, cakap benda yang bukan-bukan dengan aku (you-know-what-i-mean), then again, I'm getting clear about what I want in a relationship. I can talk about having a baby but not 'how' to make a baby. I can talk about hug and kisses but not 'where' to hug and kiss. Ada beza lelaki yang baik dengan lelaki yang bermoral. So, M.G.B Mr. Devil.





Just so you know that it's getting more and more clear. Because things that I learned from every relationship, obviously made me stronger. And finally I can see myself with someone who share the same dream with me. We want a family. We want babies. We want to wake up in the morning laying on each other side. We want to make each other happy. We want a partner who can get along not only with us, but also the world around us. Our families, our siblings, our friends, our duties, our responsibilities. A partner that we can share everything. Yeah, someone who can be just like our BFF.

Well, things not going to be easy. Things not going to be smooth and fine all the time. There will be misunderstanding, there will be time when you feel so hard to compromise with your partner, there will be certain things that annoys you and bugs you so much. When I end the relationship, I learned that I shouldn't expect much from people. I learned to embrace things. Their best part and also their worst. Not trying to fix them. Not saying that I'm with the perfect human being on earth. Just I do know now where I'm meant to be... Hopefully...

p/s 1: abaikan segala grammatical error.

p/s 2: this is the first entry after my birthday. 

so that's probably the reason why it sounds a bit serious. 

nak kata dia dah matured la tuuu... 

#tolonglah