SoRry ReaDeRs, MaSiH DaLaM FaSa BeRsEDiH

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM

ASSALAMUALAIKUM WBT

Hidup kadang-kadang tak munasabah. Tak masuk akal. Sometimes tak macam yang kita harapkan pun. Definitely tak macam yang kita bayangkan. It's full of nonsense. Haish... Tipulah kalau aku cakap, aku tak sedih. Putus cinta. Come on. Kalau tak sayang, takkan la sampai drive = menangis, dengar lagu = menangis, tengok movie = menangis, baca diary =  menangis, baca mesej = menangis, baca blog = menangis, ah sudah, perempuan ni dah kenapa? (lempang pipi sendiri). Tolonglah faham, it was unexpected break up kot.





But the best part (dan yang paling tak boleh blah) is, my girls pun join meroyan sekali. Well, that's what sisters are for kan kan kaaaannn. Join melalak-lalak nyanyi dalam kereta. Yang suruh balas dendam laaa, yang suruh bom office dia laaa, yang suruh cari pengganti cepat-cepat, yang try nak matching kan dengan office mate, yang suruh mandi bunga (nak kata aku ada saka la tuh), yang ajak pergi zouk pun ada, so I was like... ok-bawak-bertenang-girls. Hahah. Aku akan buat semua tu, korang jangan risau. Aku tak pernah berniat nak bajet cool like, takpe-lah-biarlah-dah-orang-tak-sudi kind of attitude oh please, this time around tak ada masa nak berlagak cool. Kalau membunuh tu legal, I bet that's the first thing my girls and me will do, percayalah!




Cuma at the moment, aku tak rasa nak buat lagi. Pergi office, balik office macam biasa, meet my students, weekend balik kampung, sometimes lepak dengan sisters, lepak dengan my girls, bff, bffe, bffffeeeeeeeeeee... ok, over, sorry. Life aku sama je macam biasa. Just beza dia, tak ada Encik Domoi dah. Itu je. Eh, what's the different? Sebelum ni pun aku dok meroyan laki aku busy, laki aku busy, nah, now dia busy tahap infinity sanggup ceraikan aku bercinta dengan kerja dia biadab punya laki dok busy dengan komputer ntah apa dia dapat ntah. Eh, itu kalau dia busy lah. Macam mana kalau bukan sebab busy? What if the real reason is me? Ok bye. Tak nak fikir.





Anyway and anyway, bila dah jadi macam ni, mulalah teringat dekat ex. I mean, my 'ex' before 'this ex'. Bukan nak compare ke, nak memuji ke apa, tapi the way he made his closure was seriously manly punya style siap boleh recall lagi how we met for the first time, (it was at starbucks and dia belanja latte) and how we clean the relationship, (also at starbucks and dia belanja latte jugak masa tu), like actually aku tak perasan pun, tapi after few weeks, and bila masing-masing dah boleh terima hakikat of the break up, dia pulak yang bukak cerita 'it was started with latte and it ended with latte' macam novel kan kan kan...haha. (tak nak gelak sudah fine!). In fact, we're still friend until now. Cool, kan?





Biarlah. Lain orang, lain caranya. Maybe, dia lagi selesa break up dengan cara tiba-tiba, senyap tanpa berita, assume that lama-lama-aku-boleh-terima, memanglah time will heals but the journey of healing tu you seriously cannot imagine how disaster I was. Eh, tiga minggu cukuplah. Kau nak aku disaster berapa bulan? Berapa tahun? Oh please, we're adult. Breaking up is not all about negatives things. What you guys expect me to do? Screenshot our conversation letak dekat belog ni? Mention his each and every flaws? Cursing him? Kelakar laaa. Habis kenangan yang manis-manis, yang sweet-sweet tu nak letak mana?





Done is done. Nak terhegeh-hegeh tadah muka pun bukan dia nak balik kat aku. Nak marah-marah pun bukan dapat apa. Sumpah, maki, carut segala hantar dekat dia, bukan dia berubah. Maybe it's time for me to pay more attention to myself. (Asyik pay attention dekat orang lain je selama ni kan). Maybe it's time for me to take care of myself. Muhasabah diri ke apa yang patut.





But now... Dear Encik Domoi, I tak rasa nak marah-marah you lagi dah. Yes. I memang meroyan teruk hari tu. But you know me very well, right? I marah. Then I cool down. Then I meroyan. Curse orang. Then I cool down balik. You pun tau, I bukannya baik mana. Not even that innocent. But things happened and we can't do anything about it. Just sometimes, I miss the moment you call me early in the morning. I miss the moment when you text me pukul 3,4 pagi and you cakap you tak boleh tidur. I miss the moment when we talk about how many kids we want. I miss the moment when you send me your random selfies. The moment you buat-buat panic minyak kereta nak habis. And a lot more things I tak mampu nak recall lagi honestly, I am still missing you and kadang-kadang hoping your number to appear on the screen but at the same time I know, I kena terima that you're not mine anymore... or maybe you never were...

Dua tiga hari lepas dok belek-belek diari. And I captured this part. Can you believe that I used to feel annoying to this guy? Nama pun tak nak ambek tahu. Now, cuba tanya aku lagi sekali? Dare me to answer exactly like that. I don't know. Rasanya tak mampu kot. Oh yes. Zamir aka Encik Domoi for those yang tak tahu. Tq. Bye!

p/s: promise lepas ni tak tulis entry macam ni lagi dah (hopefully)...